I am making my life harder
A little lost , A lot found
It's been a long time since I wrote something, not even in my journal or a blog.
Though I have been ranting a lot to my friends and have not been prioritizing my work or learning, I think I wasn't even focusing on my goals or making myself better.
To be honest, this month until now was tough, and I take full responsibility for it.
I haven't been feeling like myself lately. There is a lot of pressure and a lot of alone time. I kind of like solitude, but at the same time, I need someone to listen or just sometimes be there or give advice, which is not a lot to ask.
This isn't a social urge like wanting people to chat with - it's a powerful hunger to connect heart to heart with a like-minded person who can understand me. I find nothing more exhilarating than clicking with someone who gets me.
Sometimes, I think about the people from my past, the ones who promised to be there and the ones who did wrong by me, and trap my mind in the past with memories haunting me. As someone who has a very good memory, I remember every minor detail about someone - the way their perfume smelled, the way they drank coffee while looking around the cafe, the way their voice sounded, and every conversation we shared.
Also, I mean, I need to figure out ways to get back on track and work, which is a need for me and my creative mind.
Now for the TO-DO (I have already started it):
It would be to bring back the habits that made me happy as a child.
There's no reason someone should ever have to give up harmless things that bring you joy. You don't have to age out of having fun: skating, making memes and questionable poetry, putting chocolate chips in your waffles, singing in the bath and while cleaning the room and washing your hands, spinning in circles until you fall down, climbing a tree. Just because you're now in charge of your life doesn't mean you're expected to give up on the things that make life feel worth living.
RETURN TO WRITING.
After such a long gap, now I will approach writing as though I am a beginner. I will re-ground myself in the basics and construct a better framework for my writing practice.
Finish something.
Anything. Stop researching, planning, and preparing to do the work and just do the work.
It doesn't matter how good or bad it is. I don't need to set the world on fire with my first try. I just need to prove to myself that I have what it takes to produce something. There are no artists, athletes, entrepreneurs, or scientists who became great by half-finishing their work.
Stop debating what you should make and just make.
AND
I will find it easier to fight.
There will be fewer obstacles to fight.
I'll be better equipped to fight them.
Life is never going to be picture-perfect, but I can become better at managing, to the point where things no longer feel like fighting :)
Anyway, here are some photos capturing moments from this month:
